she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
