i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
