Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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