he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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