Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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