I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He? As in you personified your dick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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