when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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