My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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