I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
