You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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