I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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