oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
