those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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