Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
