So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
