So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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