I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
