Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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