If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
