...so i touched it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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