Soap is not a condiment
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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