My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
