FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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