He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
