the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
