I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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