That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
