Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
