Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
