I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
