I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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