u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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