thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
