I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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