i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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