u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize