I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
