What a fucking waste of an outfit
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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