So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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