Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
