They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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