Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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