I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
