I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
