I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
