I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
