I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
