Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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