I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
