He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
