For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
