Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
