clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
