i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
