i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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