One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
