I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
