brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
