i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
