You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
