I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
