it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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