chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
