he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
