Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
