I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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