Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
