Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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