I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
