I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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