I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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