It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
