i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
