Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
