I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
