trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
