YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize