How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
