bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize