Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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