Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Two words: nipple clamps
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