i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
