the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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