If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
