dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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