all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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