Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
