I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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