so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
