Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
