Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
