Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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