theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
