I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
