it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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